Ho ho ho!! Greetings one and all…
Have you all been busy and diligent property people this year and got your vacant buildings secured against trespassers and the inclement weather coming your way? Of course I know all about inclement weather up in my home at the North Pole so I can tell you what damage it can do if your pipes freeze or water gets in through the roof, or your gutters are blocked. If you need someone to give your empty site the quick once over, give my friends at Clearway a quick ring and they’ll soon sort you out.
I’m all ready for my big annual trip now. The sacks are packed; my elves have set the route into my sleigh satnav and Rudolf, Dasher and Prancer and the rest of the team are rested and raring to go; and Mrs Claus has laundered and pressed my special red suit.
Of course delivering your Christmas presents isn’t what it used to be. Whatever happened to chimneys? There seems to be fewer and fewer of them these days. Central heating has a lot to answer for, not to mention the forest of aerials and satellite dishes on every roof. They play havoc when I try to park the sleigh and Rudolf had a very nasty accident on one last year!
I find myself having to park in car parks more and more now and going in through doors and windows – just as well I have my super transmogrifying device that enables me to go through keyholes or cat flaps. Aah, the wonders of elf technology…. but it’s not the same as a nice whoosh down the chimney. Just as well I don’t come across too many Toreadoors. These metal security doors are a real challenge to get through –no keyholes of course – just as well they tend to be on empty properties! Ho ho ho!
And of course, I have to be careful where I leave the sleigh and reindeer. Can’t leave them in places where some nefarious folk might try and pinch one of my sacks. That would never do… think of the disappointed children. So I always park somewhere where there’s some CCTV to keep an eye on things, like Clearway’s mobile camera towers. Just the job for out of the way places I like to park…. and if the guys who monitor the images see me or my sleigh and ring up the local police to report a fat man in red and reindeer…that’s their problem if they speak to an unbeliever! But I know they’re keeping an eye on things in my absence. Reliable people those Clearway employees.
Right, that’s it for now so I’ll sign off. Don’t forget to leave the mince pies and carrots out… all this delivering is hungry work.
Have a safe, merry and peaceful Christmas, one and all
Lots of love from Santa xx